A Helpful Guide to Welcome Week
Events

We know that Welcome Week can be a bit overwhelming, so here is a quick crib sheet that will help you navigate the chaotic landscape of organizations and cults all fighting for your attention. Our brainstormed notes appear in italics. Many events beyond these two 'samples' can be found in the extended entry, linked below.

Catholic Community Ice Cream Social
09/20/2004
Price Center SB/LA
Come meet the Catholic Community at UCSD! Free ice cream!
Help smear chocolate sauce and butterscotch all over the naked, writhing bodies around you as we all furiously masturbate to The Passion of the Christ. Extra credit to those who deny the existence of the Holocaust.

Night & Day in TJ
09/21/2004
2:00pm
Price Center Ballroom A
Planning on visiting Mexico? Come and learn tips to double your fun and stay safe.
Two words: Donkey Show. Wait, here are another fourteen words: Getting Raped by a Marine Inside a Filthy, Rotting Club Somewhere on Revolution Blvd.

Marshall College Ice Cream Social/Hypnotist Show
09/20/2004
8:30pm
Peterson Hall 108
A Welcome Week event that provides a free Ice Cream Social and Hypnotist Show to incoming students.
If the hypnotist is any good, perhaps he could convince you that you aren't stuck in DOC 1 for the next ten weeks.

Muir Karaoke Night
09/20/2004
10:00pm
Muir Quad
Muir Res. Life is hosting Karaoke Night and will be giving away prizes to the best performances.
Please note that said 'prizes' will not include a roommate who refrains from eating their boogers.

Triton Power Hour
09/20/2004
11:00am
RIMAC Arena
Welcome to UCSD! What are the school colors? What movies have featured Geisel Library? Who are our famous alum? What annual events happen on campus? These are just a few of the questions that will be answered in the All-Campus New Student Orientation, or Triton Power Hour. Students will learn the facts, folklore and traditions about campus life and what it means to be UCSD. This year's event features a special welcome by UCSD's new chancellor, Dr. Marye Anne Fox, make-overs of audience members and performances by the UCSD cheerleaders and dance team.
Here's a spoiler: Geisel was used as a UFO in Close Encounters of the Third Kind and also made an appearance in one of those awful Killer Tomatoes movies. There, now you don't have to go.

Warren College Mentor Program Social
09/20/2004
3:00pm
Residential Life Student Activity Center
All students who are interested in the Mentor program are encouraged to attend this mixer.
Oh, this one has PARTY written all over it.

ERC's Truth Behind the Faces
09/20/2004
4:00pm
Dean's Office ERC Green
This is one student performance you don't want to miss. This student group dramatizes and discusses important personal issues that every new student should know.
Such as HOW TO TRANSFER TO ANOTHER COLLEGE, PREFERABLY A PRIVATE ONE WHOSE BUDGET HAS NOT BEEN SODOMIZED BY THE TERMINATOR.

Revelle Scavenger Hunt
09/20/2004
7:00pm
Revelle Plaza Fountain
A fun search for things around the campus.
Look, I found The Shattered Remains of My Self-worth! Now I've only got three items to go — anyone seen 'Agonizing Sexual Frustration' or 'Professors Who Hate Their Students'?

Revelle Pre-UnOlympics Pep Rally
09/21/2004
11:00am
No location has been selected for this event.
Get in spirit to win UCSD's annual UnOlympics competition. Free BBQ! We've got noise-makers, we've got arm bands, we've got face paint... now let's go win The Shoe!
Wasn't it Jung who wrote about society channeling sexual frustration into worthless, futile efforts meant to leave us perpetually unsatisfied? Yeah, I think it was.

Inter Varsity Christian Fellowship Free BBQ
09/21/2004
11:00am
Sungod Lawn
Welcome back BBQ with IVCF members. Open to campus. Free hamburgers & sodas.
It's AWESOME to be a virgin!

Pre-UnOlympics Jam Session
09/21/2004
1:00pm
Marshall Field
Prepare for UnOlympics with free snacks!
Get lit and go get your fill of all the cheap, terrible snack food you otherwise wouldn't touch.

Muir Jamaican Jam
09/21/2004
4:00pm
Muir Quad Muir Quad
Party in the quad and learn the UnOlympic dance and cheer.
Count me in!

International Club Square Dance
09/21/2004
7:00pm
International Center All Rooms
An event to introduce and familiarize international students with traditional American culture and each other!
PLEASE DON'T MAKE THE FOREIGN KIDS THINK THAT SQUARE DANCING IS A PART OF AMERICAN CULTURE.

Sixth College LAN Party
09/21/2004
7:30pm
Residence Halls Dogghouse
A night of online and computer gaming.
Trust me, your years in college will be full enough of Counter Strike and bleary eyes. Just skip the pleasantries and get to beating off. It's less depressing that way.

Warren College Welcome Dance
09/21/2004
9:00pm
Canyon Vista Amphitheater
So hot, this dance could only be held outside! Programming at Warren (PAW) hosts their annual dance in the Amphitheatre, under the stars. So come meet new people, get low, and shake your tail feathers!
"Shake your tail feathers?" Isn't that Nelly song more than a year old? Also, isn't that Nelly song total shit?

Skating Night
09/21/2004
9:30pm
UTC Ice Arena
The ice rink at UTC is reserved entirely for Revelle College! Bring your Revelle friends, new and old, and show off your ice capade tricks, or at least your incredible dexterity for not falling! Limited transportation available to/from Revelle & UTC. Tickets are $2.
Broken tailbone.

Sixth College UnOlympics Pre-Party Pump Up
09/22/2004
11:00am
Quad Grass Area
Our annual UnOlympics rally for the golden shoe.
Since the UnOlympics come down to which college (read: faction) can cheer the loudest, I'm guessing Sixth College — with all of two or three dozen students — has about as much chance of winning as I have of assembling my new Ikea furniture with my penis.

23rd Annual All-Campus UnOlympics
09/22/2004
1:30pm
RIMAC Field
An all-college competition of goofy games to determine the college who is the winner of the coveted 'Shoe'.
To summarize: IF YOU GO TO THIS, YOU ARE RETARDED.

Campus Crusade for Christ Pizza Bash
09/22/2004
4:30pm
Sungod Lawn
Campus Crusade for Christ will be holding a pizza party for new and returning students. Come see what CCC is all about!
CCC is all about excluding yourself from the any of the fun we alcoholics and/or stoners have, unless you count engaging in anal sex to spare your hymen.

Muir S'mores at the Shores
09/22/2004
8:30pm
La Jolla Shores La Jolla Shores
Go to La Jolla Shores and enjoy a bonfire with friends. Make smores and just hang out.
Because the sun has gone down, it isn't likely they'll see you wince when you take a swig from your water bottle full of Popov.

RCC Welcome Week Dance
09/22/2004
9:00pm
Outside Plaza Cafe
The last party before classes begin! Your Council offers you one last night of fun before the official 'back to school'. Let's show UCSD that we know how to party and still make our first 8 am class! The dance will be held around the Revelle anchor.
I dare you to try and enjoy this.

Marshall College After Party
09/23/2004
6:00pm
Administration Building Activities Center
Free BBQ to top off a great Welcome Week.
Anyone know where that building is? I'm down for no-frills free food.

Muir Comedy Improv
09/23/2004
9:00pm
Sierra Summit
Muir students of the Improv Group will be performing some of their famous acts...it's just like the show "Whose line is it Anyways."
... except not funny. Oh, wait! Whose Line isn't funny either!

Nom de Guerre, Sep 22 2004, 07:55 PM

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