Watts Announces own Douchebaggery
Satire

watts.jpgThe biggest problem with the Guardian is that it's too big, and those kids seem to have trouble filling it. If you doubt this, I challenge you to read anything in their Features section, the thousands of words they have printed about this web site, and any comic strip they have run—ever. Today, I would like to examine Monday's column by one of UCSD's many prominent polemics who look like they were home-schooled: Daniel Watts.

But first, some background. Daniel Watts has two major life accomplishments which he writes about incessantly. He was on "Wheel of Fortune" (where he failed to solve the phrase, "en_o_ the show"). Also, he ran in 2003's circus-themed gubernatorial election (big fucking deal).

But enough about that. Watts' column, written from Japan where he is studying abroad, is wryly titled "Lost in Translation." Watts would like for you to believe that this a column about Japan, and toward that end, he begins Monday's column with some trite details about how crazy life in Japan is. However, this is not an article about Japan: it is an article about how annoying Daniel Watts is, just like all of his articles are.

The focus of the column comes up after the jump (kudos to the Guardian editors who dug it up for the headline), and it is that in Japan, people don't find the fact that Watts ran for governor of California very amusing. He writes:

Only two Japanese students have easily understood the "I ran against Arnold" concept, and one of them was the daughter of a city councilman, already familiar with words like "ran" and "governor." This is an endless source of frustration for me ... In my luggage, I packed a photo album full of recall memorabilia, a sample ballot from Madera County and two laminated pages from the Los Angeles Times, both containing articles featuring my gubernatorial run. Every time I find someone fluent in English, I pull out all my governor stuff and hope they understand. They rarely do."

Ha-ha! It appears that Japanese people are petty savages who don't understand basic concepts of democracy, even though they have one! I have a hard time believing Watts on this one, and I would bet money that he is entirely making it up. Further, he complains of the same problem when explaining his appearance on "Wheel of Fortune." Right. Japan must not have any silly game shows for a point of reference.

This column amounts to Watts complaining that people in Japan don't find him amusing. Revelatory! People here don't either.

(The article, "Japan too closed to appreciate running for governor," is now linked here. I should note that Watts e-mailed us this information the second that the Guardian put it online. He has e-mailed us twice more, outraged, explaining how to more accurately criticize him, as have several other campus polemics who look like they were home-schooled.)

Prescott Andover, Oct 12 2004, 04:06 PM

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